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Are You an Abuser?
Take this quiz to find out.
1. You and your partner have plans to go out, but your partner calls you and tells you that he/she has to go to his/her family reunion and cannot make the date.
You:
a. Get angry and call him/her names and threaten to break up.
b. Tell him/her that you understand and make plans to go out another time.
c. Get upset, hang up the phone and then call your best friend and complain about him/her.
d. Sit outside your partner’s house to make sure that he/she is actually going to the reunion.
2. You are hanging out at a club and look over to see your partner hug another person. You:
a. Walk up to your partner and grab his/her hand, pull him/her away and “jokingly” call him/her a “whore.”
b. Notice the hug but shrug it off because you know that they have been friends for years.
c. Notice the hug and decide that there is something going on between the two of them. You will talk to him/her later about not disrespecting you if front of everyone.
d. Wait until you leave the club, yell at your partner on the way home, accuse him/her of cheating on you and pinch him/her on the arm to get your point across.
3. Your partner arrives for your date wearing an outfit that you do not consider appropriate, and you two are going out in public. You:
a. Tell your partner that you “will under no circumstances be caught dead with him/her wearing that,” and give him or her something of yours that meets with your approval.
b. Giggle to yourself and go out with him/her.
c. Wait until you get where you are going and then make fun of your partner to all of your friends.
d. Tell your partner that you did not approve of his/her outfit; refuse to go with your partner, even when the person says he/she will change, and accuse him/her of ruining your evening.
4. You and your partner are drinking coffee at a local coffee shop. Your partner accidentally bumps his/her cup and the hot coffee spills in your lap. You:
a. Jump up, wipe yourself off and call him/her “an idiot, who does not think.”
b. Jump up, wipe yourself off, let him/her apologize and accept the apology.
c. Jump up, wipe yourself off, sit back down calmly and tell your partner that you will talk about this later, all the while coming up with ways to make him/her feel guilty later.
d. Jump up, wipe yourself off, take your cup and pour it on your partner while berating him/her for being clumsy.
5. You and your partner have been dating for two weeks and have seen each other 5 times. You want to become intimate but your partner says he/she is not ready. You:
a. Pout to yourself and then call a friend and tell him/her that your partner is a prude.
b. You tell your partner that you will wait until she or he feels comfortable and that he/she should just let you know when he/she is ready.
c. You tell your partner that it is obvious to you that he/she does not care about you because if she/he did she/he would be ready.
d. You tell your partner that you cannot be with someone who is not sexually ready; that you have needs and that you will find satisfaction elsewhere unless he/she sleeps with you.
If you had:
All to Mostly A’s: You behave as most people do in relationships; by expressing your ideas about your partner in joking and/or demeaning ways. Everyone has been guilty of this in his/her relationship. Sometimes things like this just come out but that does not mean that it is not hurtful to your partner and possibly destructive in your relationship. Everyone makes mistakes. If you find yourself doing this, try to pay more attention to how you say things and apologize when you realize that you have demeaned your partner.
All to Mostly B’s: You are very respectful and allow your companions to be themselves. If you find that you have slipped up and have hurt your partner’s feelings, remember to apologize. You are generally a very respectful person and with that, knowing how to say you are sorry is important.
All to Mostly C’s: Your relationship is not as happy as it could be and that is probably because of you and your lack of respect for your partner. It is advised that you use a self-discovery activity to find out why you use guilt, shame, and humiliation to get your partner to do what you want. A good activity is to journal about what you witnessed your parents/caregivers do to each other and you as you were growing up.
All to Mostly D’s: You are being abusive and you have to stop or your partner will leave you and every partner from then on will leave you as well. It is advised that you seek counseling and ask for help from a trusted adult. This is not just the way you are and you are not entitled to hurt other people, even if you have been hurt in the past. You also have the right to live a happy and productive life, free from abuse. You are not a bad person; being abusive is a bad behavior and you can make it stop. |
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